I’m sick in my bedroom right now, I suspect with covid or the flu, unable to do anything “productive,” longer than a few minutes. I knew from the onset of the illness, despite being bitter about it, that the best thing I could do for myself is rest. There was no question when I made that decision; I got to freely make the choice without worrying about how much sick time I had, what my boss would say, or how many emails would be waiting for me after I recovered. This is because I’m unemployed. However, there is a dark side to this situation, and it’s that I can’t go to the doctor right now; my health insurance cut out a week after I lost my job. This scenario is the gist of unemployment; on the one hand you have the freedom to make the decisions that are best for you, and on the other, you lack basic necessities like a steady income and healthcare. This juxtaposition, along with the mental turmoil of suddenly being laid off, has defined my life for the past couple months.
The drama began with a suspicious video call on June 22nd. I saw the meeting pop up on my work calendar the day before, sandwiched between two existing ones. I just knew something was up, so much so that I asked my mom (who I was visiting at the time) “am I getting fired?” Less than twenty-four hours later I would receive my answer - yes, I was. The company was restructuring and my position was cut in the process.
I was brave and stoic when I received the news, but found myself fighting off a panic attack as soon as the meeting ended. How could this be happening, again?! When the panic subsided I discovered that while I was elated to be freed from my soul-sucking, brain frying job at a #girlboss startup, I was also hurt. I invested so much time and energy into my role - it occupied most of my brain capacity during and after work hours. I was chronically burnt out, and the effects of that wrecked my mental health and rippled into my home life. I gave it my all, and in return got cut before I could pick the fruits of my labor both professionally and financially.
Losing my livelihood is personal and it’s hard not to feel at fault for that, regardless of the circumstances.
As much as we’re taught to detach from our jobs, that’s nearly impossible to do when we spend most of our waking hours working them. So much of who we are is tied to our profession - our income, our status, our sense of self worth. Almost immediately after losing my job, my shadow of “not being good enough,” was triggered. I struggled to deal with the emotional fallout of what’s ultimately a business decision. Losing my livelihood is personal and it’s hard not to feel at fault for that, regardless of the circumstances.
Then of course, there’s the numbers. According to a recent article published by Gothamist, Manhattan’s medium monthly rent as of July is $4,400, up 6% from last year. The maximum weekly unemployment payout from New York State is a measly $504 per week, which equals out to a little over $2,000 a month. This barely covers rent for most New Yorkers, including me. The same Gothamist article also states: “The federal government considers families who spend more than 30% of their household income on rent to be “rent-burdened.”1 I’m currently spending about 75% of my monthly unemployment on rent, putting me on the extreme end of the rent burden spectrum.
Fortunately, I have a savings that subsidizes my unemployment, but having to lean on it sets me back in the long run. I’ve navigated three layoffs in three years and every time I save some money up, I then have to turn around and use it to keep me financially stable in between gigs. This recent layoff has delayed bigger life goals I set out to accomplish this year - moving, taking a baecation, bringing the family home for Christmas. It’s also put a financial weight onto my partner, who takes care of the extras when I’m not working. The involvement of another person makes getting work as quickly as possible a serious priority - the longer it takes to find employment, the bigger a strain it puts on both of our finances.
Perhaps the most trying part of unemployment is the fatigue of resilience. Despite how I’m feeling mentally and emotionally, I still have to show up everyday in search of my next role. It’s draining to go through this process every year - combing the job sites, messaging strangers, forcing conversations all with the hope that I will get something I thought I’d have a right to by now - a well paid, stable, decent job. The hardest part is the rejection, which far outweighs acceptance when you’re competing against hundreds (and sometimes thousands) of people for one role. That’s difficult to stomach when you’re already dealing with the pain of being rejected by your last gig.
As trying as this time has been, I remind myself that we all go through challenges that are so big sometimes they feel like they’re gonna crush us. But then you wake up the next morning and you start again, and again, and again, until a little magic happens. Someone responds to that email, takes you up on an informational interview, buys you lunch, mentors you. In every unemployment there have been people there that make the pain a little more bearable, that make resilience possible at all. If you’re one of those people, thank you. If you’re someone going through unemployment right now know that you will make it through, and there’s someone else out there that feels your pain too.
Silver Linings
As my mother says, you can’t tell a story without mentioning the good things. It feels so good to wake up on a Monday morning without the weight of being overworked and underpaid on my shoulders. As painful as it was, being laid off freed me from a job that was mentally draining. It’s also given me time to focus on what matters most to me.
The last time I was laid off I was so stressed about when I would get a new job, that I kind of missed out on the opportunities I was being afforded with free time (a rare commodity in adulthood). This time around, I have been intentional about exactly what I want to do while I’m free from a 9-5. I’ve made networking events a priority, started this newsletter, and I’m attempting a career pivot.
In addition to focusing on my long term career goals, I’ve also prioritized my home, my mental and physical health, and my mini family. For me that looks like journaling every morning, cleaning daily, exercising often, and attempting to train my dog. While I was working I had the desire to do all of these things, but the burnout I was experiencing made it difficult to get around to them.
If there’s anything I’ve learned during these three layoffs, it’s to make the most of them. If you’re also wandering the land of the unemployed, then know that it doesn’t last forever. Eventually, you’ll find yourself back in another role, and in that moment you don’t want to wish you’d done more with this time. Use it wisely.
Resources
Claima Stories with Bimma
If you’re looking for some career inspiration, then you need to tune into the Claima Stories with Bimma podcast. Claima’s purpose is to highlight the careers of creatives and entrepreneurs of color. The latest season just wrapped, but there’s a rich backlog of interviews that’s sure to keep you motivated.
LinkedIn Learning
We’ve all heard of LinkedIn by now, but did you know they offer skill building courses? If you’re interested in learning some new skills for your career, or brushing up on some old ones, LinkedIn Learning offers a full range of video courses for its premium members. Premium can be a little pricey, but new members get a thirty-day free trial.
Spice Up Your Job Hunt
As previously stated, looking for a job can be a grueling task. If you too are on the hunt for your next gig, then check out sites like LinkedIn, Indeed, BuiltIn, and Wellfound, to find your next role. Happy job hunting!
Gonella , C. (n.d.). Rent in New York City just keeps going up. Gothamist. https://gothamist.com/news/rent-in-nyc-just-keeps-going-up#:~:text=In%20Manhattan,%20the%20median%20monthly,monthly%20tracking%20started%20in%202008.