the pilates girl doesn't exist
on demystifying an archetype
The first time I stepped into a reformer Pilates class I found myself looking for her — the mythical “Pilates girl” with the svelte body, slicked back hair, clear skin, and perfectly coordinated outfit. TikTok had already given me an image of her, one reinforced by the studio’s website, which features a landing page of slim white women in matching sets, blonde highlights, and their hair down (which is hilariously impractical). That image shaped what I expected to find in the studio.
What I didn’t realize then, and what I understand now, is that the Pilates girl isn’t a real woman at all. She’s a projection, a marketing tool, a cultural fantasy that collapses the moment you walk into an actual studio.
I scanned the room sizing up the other class attendees and found myself pleasantly surprised. The room was a mix of women (and one man), each with attributes and imperfections just like me. I didn’t see the type of woman I had been primed to expect. I was nervous, not because I didn’t think I would fit in, but simply because I had never tried reformer before and assumed everyone else in the room would be a pro. In my mind, I was walking into a space with women who lived the Pilates lifestyle, and I felt like someone who merely dabbled with my once a week mat classes.
Pilates = aspirational
There’s a reason people won’t shut up about Pilates, and it’s not about the workout quality. The obsession lies in the high price point. Pilates classes have been controversially compared to shopping at high-end stores like Bottega — meaning they’re a luxury not meant to be accessible to everyone. In small town Chattanooga, I pay $35 for a reformer class, but in cities like New York, classes run $40+ and can go as high as $70.
Pilates is an excellent workout, one of the hardest I’ve done, but people don’t really give a shit about that. What people care about is what going to Pilates says about you: that you have expendable income, that you’re assumed to be skinny and white, and that you embody a clean girl aesthetic. Being a Pilates girl has been made to feel like an exclusive club that only certain people can get into.
At the heart of the Pilates girl trend is another attempt to set a bar for women. This is the kind of girl you need to be (it’s always girl by the way) and if you can be her all your troubles will go away and you might find a man. The Pilates girl exists because she sells a lifestyle, not because she reflects the women who actually show up for class.
I did a little research about this Pilates girl and apparently she’s championed by the manosphere as an ideal woman. If you’re unfamiliar, the manosphere is “a digital collection of websites, videos and social media that promote male supremacy and advocate for traditional gender roles.”1 The Pilates girl isn’t just a wellness archetype; she’s become a cultural shorthand for a certain kind of woman men believe they’re entitled to.
If you watched the latest season of Love is Blind, the manosphere’s idealization of the Pilates girl won’t surprise you. In one scene, Chris — an okay looking man — sits next to his partner Jessica, a beautiful DOCTOR, and tells her he’s not physically into her because he likes the type of girl who “does fucking Pilates everyday.” I can take one look at this man and tell you he’s never tried Pilates and he most certainly isn’t doing it everyday, and thus, physically speaking he has no idea what he’s asking of Jessica. What Chris is looking for is the mythical Pilates girl instead of embracing the lovely woman in front of him, who immediately parted ways with him after his disparaging comments.
For a woman to be a gorgeous doctor with her own home and be told she’s not enough because she’s not doing Pilates everyday speaks to the impossible standards women are perpetually held to. We must look good, be in great shape, know how to maintain a home, be good in bed, be willing to procreate, and have the temperaments of saints. These trends, often tied to women’s bodies, keep us on the treadmill constantly racing toward the next barometer of perfection.
the real pilates girls women
The $25 grip socks I purchased from the studio declare that I’m in my “pilates girl era.” It felt like a compliment putting them on. Despite my fears, I performed well in my first reformer class. Next to me were two slimmer woman — one of whom was almost a full-blown pilates girl in aesthetics and capability — and she told me I killed it after class. I walked away feeling strong and capable, but not as if I had fallen into an archetype that leaves little room for diversity.
Maybe there was a part of me that wanted to be a Pilates girl, because it would signal that I have leveled up both in my life and my dedication to fitness. I love that I’m in the financial position to shell out money for expensive workouts, and this one had the potential to transform me. I thought I’d enter the Pilates studio and be met with a standard of perfection to live up to, but instead I was greeted by real people. This reality allowed me to decenter the Pilates girl in my head and embrace the woman reflected in the mirror in front of me.
Going to a Pilates studio disintegrated the Pilates girl myth for me. In my latest class, I realized something: everyone in there was aspiring to be a Pilates girl, but no one actually was. We all fall short because the Pilates girl has it all together and can only look one way, and there is no woman who can foot that bill. The reality is that Pilates is just a great workout, there is no person you have to be to participate.
Going to Pilates, slicking down your hair, and drinking matcha won’t magically turn you into a woman you love, but doing things because they align with who you truly are and who you want to be will. If you’re like me and you genuinely love a good workout class, then go for it! Live that life. But if the ideal woman in your head wants something different, then the way you become your version of the Pilates girl is by honoring her.
I didn’t find the Pilates girl in that studio because she doesn’t exist, but I did find a new level of respect for myself.
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This piece is so real. I've been doing Pilates since 2017/2018 and yes, matching sets and slickbacks are a thing but it's also an incredible workout to tone your body.
The "pilates girl" has of course been taken away from us and morphed into some buzz word that men use to weed out their woman of choice - we can't have shit LOL.
I loved this and feel so similarly about pilates. There's a studio across the street from me and I felt like I was always just seeing the archetypal woman going in and out...and then I went to a class and realized there's so many types of people who go! For some reason my brain was filtering out all the others and playing into that stereotype. So strange how that happens.
Also I had noo idea on the connection with the manosphere and now will be haunted by that