The Pressure to Perform
Why the Women of Love Island Deserve Better
There are only two things on television I look forward to every year: football and Love Island. Since season 6, the latter has almost become as culturally impactful as the former, but watching this season of Love Island has been a bit heartbreaking. It seems that in an attempt to boost ratings the producers have dove headfirst into the concept of “sex sells,” stripping away the wholesomeness that made the show so beloved in the first place. In conversations I’ve had with other viewers of the show, everyone has had the same reaction — this season is way too freaked out. Unfortunately, the contestants are paying for price for that, the women in particular. The girls have consistently put into situations that range from uncomfortable to dangerous.
In previous seasons of Love Island, the most sex forward challenge we would get is the heart rate one, and even that could be tweaked to match the Islander’s comfort level. This season, leading with sexually explicit behavior seems less like a choice and more like the rules of the game. The Islanders, especially the women, are encouraged to bring on a show and make it sexy. The girls are dealing with pressure to perform sexy, cool girl for the guys, the producers, and all of America.
This isn’t an environment where boundaries are encouraged.
I screamed on episode two when the female bombshell, Kayda, was told to sleep in a bed with two men she’d just met. Every grown woman knows you don’t do shit like that because you never know what kind of men you’re dealing with. I was proud of Kayda that night when she declined a kiss from Bryce who felt entitled to one after she’d kissed Zach in the same bed. Bryce’s expectation was creepy but not unfamiliar.
Love Island strikes a cord because it’s a visual example of what’s always preached to single people — don’t settle, explore your options, there’s plenty of fish in the sea...
Love Island strikes a cord because it’s a visual example of what’s always preached to single people — don’t settle, explore your options, there’s plenty of fish in the sea... But what Love Island also shows is that so many of those fish are rotten. On Corbin’s first night in the Villa, after already making out with all the girls in a challenge, he made a move to kiss both Kenzie and Kayda, finding success with the former. He asked Kayda, who refused, multiple times about said kiss, seemingly in disbelief that she could turn him down.
On Monday night we, disappointingly, saw KC express similar feelings of entitlement in a conversation with Corbin. KC griped about Aniya not being more intimate in bed (in a room full of people on national television!) and said it makes him “want to explore more.” She’s known the man for less than two weeks and already the expectation is that she perform sexual acts in exchange for loyalty. Aniya discusses the same situation with Melanie saying: “God damn a bitch wants to take it slow!” And she has every right to feel and move that way without dealing with pressure from her partner.
The kind of entitlement being displayed by the boy Islanders is not foreign to any woman who’s been on the dating scene, self included. Since I started dating, from 14 until now, I’ve ran into situations with men who’ve crossed my implicit or explicit boundaries. Looking back, I haven’t always been impressed with how I’ve stuck up for myself in those moments. Even when I’ve known the man to be in the wrong, there is still that piece of me that wants to be amiable and brush harmful behavior off like it’s not a big deal. Part of it is fear of losing that person by walking away when they’ve crossed the line, which I’m getting over, but the other component is conditioning — women in culture are taught to please and it’s not just sexual. In our families, partnerships, friendships, and workplaces, women are expected to go along to get along, to not make too much noise, and not ruffle feathers. Any woman who chooses to do the opposite is labeled a “bitch” and tossed off to the land of unlikability.
It feels like a win when I see those women stand up for themselves and decide who they want to be and how they want to behave, instead of letting the men and the producers decide for them.
In the challenges, chats, and in the bedroom, the girl Islanders have overwhelming given into the implicit and explicit pressure to perform hyper-sexuality. I don’t blame them though because the girls are doing what they’ve been taught to do, and it’s important to callout that, with them all being under 25 so far, they truly are girls. There aren’t people over 30 on this show for many reasons, but one of which is because grown ass women are less likely to be game. There is no reality in which I’d let anyone convince me to share a bed with two strange men, please send me home if needed. Learning how to advocate for yourself even when it’s uncomfortable is a skill I’ve been consciously building for myself these past few years. It’s something every woman should work towards, and I wish more of the Love Island girls were at the point in life where they were doing that work.
I am proud of the girls on the show that have managed to maintain their boundaries even within the Love Island pressure cooker. It feels like a win when I see those women stand up for themselves and decide who they want to be and how they want to behave, instead of letting the men and the producers decide for them.
What I want for the women on Love Island, is the opportunity to be enough showing up as themselves. I want challenges where, yes, we stir up some drama, but also there’s a chance for contestants to actually bond and get to know each other.
What the people want to see isn’t makeout orgies, it’s proof that love is still out there and you don’t have to perform to get it.
Housekeeping
As mentioned last week, I am starting a weekly Substack Live series where we can hang out and write/ work together.
The first one kicks off Sunday, June 28th at 2 PM. Think: a cozy, low‑stakes space to show up as you are, get some writing done (or any other work), and spend time with people who also kickstart the workweek on Sunday.
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