You're Not Lazy

You're Just Doing Something You Aren't Passionate About

The cover from my zine project. Illustrated by Cienna Smith.

I posted a note recently that said “you aren’t lazy, you’re just doing something you aren’t passionate about,” it resonated with so many people that it sparked the idea for this post. I’ve touched on my career story previously, so I won’t wax poetic about it here, but I spent several years in corporate America lost and questioning my identity, work ethic, and capabilities.

I come from a family of immigrants, which is to say I’m no stranger to the value of hard work. My mother raised me to push past my obstacles to get shit done, even when I was tired, upset, or simply didn’t feel like. It’s a joke that Jamaicans have multiple jobs, but I have lived that reality throughout my working life, which started at 16. I’ve always worked while being in school or interning, I’ve worked full time while also running a business, I’ve worked full time while freelancing, and now I’m working full time while running this publication. What I have found in all my forays into work, entrepreneurship, and writing is that the energy I put into my passion projects is not available to me at my corporate jobs. 

The job I had before my current gig was at an allergy friendly food startup. Anyone who’s ever worked at an early stage startup can confirm that it is hell. So much so that I would never work at one again, unless it was my business or I was being heavily compensated; none of which was the case at my last job. Everyday, I worked tirelessly from the moment I logged in to the time I signed off. My official job title was “marketing coordinator,” but I wore multiple hats. Primarily I was responsible for running the entire influencer marketing program, which deserved a title above “coordinator,” but I digress, in addition to that I also shot content for the CEO, created content, traveled around the country to help with field marketing, modeled, and managed influencer gifting.

Despite my massive work load, I did my best to squeeze it all into 40 hours a week, though I was often unsuccessful. I remember feeling like something was wrong with me at that company because I wasn’t willing to work more nights and weekends like my coworkers. The truth is, I didn’t care for marketing, and by the time I left the job I’d grown to hate it. Marketing is demanding, the kind of career field that never has an off switch or a rest season; the company relies on your constant performance to stay afloat, especially when it’s a startup. Had I been passionate about marketing, and not already overworked and underpaid, perhaps I would’ve been more willing to go above and beyond for the opportunity.

I was crushed when I got laid off from that job, but it was a blessing in disguise. As brutal as the situation was, it gave me the time to evaluate my life and figure out what I did want to give my all too and that’s writing; I’m working towards being a full time writer someday. I spent years believing that because I disliked my jobs, and I interacted so many other people that hated their jobs, that this was just the norm. Suffering for a check was to be expected and endured. It wasn’t until this year that I realized not everyone hates their job. I have friends who are in demanding roles, where they’re almost constantly on, but they do it because they love it. In fact, almost everyone who does anything at a high level is working constantly. What I understand now, is that you can’t work like that if you don’t have a deep appreciation and passion for what you’re doing. I am not at the point where what I do for money and what I love to do are synonymous, but I am finally on track to get there.

---

I decided this past summer that I wanted to produce a print project to market my newsletter on the subway. I settled on producing a zine, which has finally arrived! This project is a print version of The Season of Solitude, and the artwork for it was done by my talented friend, Cienna Smith. I worked on this zine while also juggling my day job, this newsletter, and a six week fiction writing class. My schedule for the past month or so has been more demanding than usual, but it has been incredible watching myself work so hard doing the thing I love. It has affirmed to me that I do have a strong work ethic and I am capable of achieving great things. I have come alive since I’ve started truly dedicating myself to my craft, and I have become reacquainted with who I really am. 

Last week I got the final design file for the zine project. I was walking on a cloud, smiling ear to ear, dancing and making up songs in my kitchen. That feeling I had, elation and joy, is something you can’t put a price on. Having an idea in my head and seeing it slowing come to life, is gratifying in a way that nothing else is.

I want everyone I care about to feel this sense of fulfillment that comes when you’re walking in your purpose and doing what you love. Maybe what you love doing has nothing to do with a career, perhaps it’s a hobby like crocheting, gardening, or scrapbooking. Whatever it is, you don’t have to look hard to find it. The thing you would do all day everyday, for free if you could, is the thing you are most passionate about. Spend time every week doing that thing, even if it’s just for an hour, that’s an hour you get to come alive.

Ways to Support

1. Pick Up a Zine! - If you see a copy of my zine on the MTA, please pick it up and keep it or gift it to a friend. If you live out of state and want a copy, just send me a message and I will send one your way if you pay the shipping. I hope you all love this zine as much as I do, I can’t wait to do more projects like this moving forward. 

2. Buy Me a Coffee - Consider this a “tip your writer” option. I love a good cup of coffee and you can buy me one by clicking the link.

3. Pledge a Subscription - At the bottom of every post is the option to “pledge your support.” This means that when If I’m Being Honest offers a paid subscription option in the future, you will automatically be enrolled as a paid subscriber. You won’t be charged before then.

4. Engage - Engaging with my posts is a free way to support this publication. Every like, comment, and share is valuable and helps this community grow.

5. Recommend My Publication - For my fellow Substack writers, consider recommending my publication; I am always happy to return the favor.